最遠的距離

世界上最遙遠的距離，是望著鏡中的自己，卻感到無比陌生；是當身邊的人告訴你「這好有你的風格」時，我不能說出那到底是什麼樣的一種風格；是每天拖著彷彿別人的軀殼生活；是心不在焉，似乎身處另一個星球的相處；是心、手不協調的創作；是你慶幸自己生還的那一刻，發現她已悄悄的不辭而別……

一週年，我仍在哀悼，那些我認識的、和不認識的人，還有將要離去的自己，我（以為）熟悉的自己。

Distances

By Kolawole Olaiya, Nigeria
(*This poem is dedicated to my late father. it was inspired by the sudden news of his transition.)

i've always thought that
those who traverse the length and breadth of the earth
would know how far the distance is...

drenched by the ice
navigating the contours of my shivering shoulders;
some dwelling on the valleys of my bags in bits,
others settling in the creases of my ruffled muffler

i traverse the distance,
smiling, threading delicately on slippery pellets
cascading from the sky's moody eyes
dabbing the earth in snow-white.

and on getting home,
i peeped out of my mouldy room
savouring the mixed joys of surviving another distance.

can even those who travel the length and breadth of the earth
conquer distances' chameleonic antics?...

i have seen distance
turn prince to pauper,
subjecting stately souls
to the slovenly hands of melancholy

i have seen teachers
turned learners of new accents
to bridge the gulfs created by distance

i have seen distance
tame the hawk and the dove
forcing them to cohabit peacefully.

i have seen distance
fashion new tongues from myriad people
yoked together by choice in Toronto

having cruised the length and breadth of the earth
in the twilight of my wanderings,
i thought i understood distances' riddles
and knew how far the distance was

until the phone
- subverter of long distances -
that misty morning,
brought me news of another distance
that had been untimely bridged:

my father, horsetail in both hands,
has suddenly navigated a new distance;
danced to join his ancestors
without leaving a word on how i can transverse
the travails of this painful distance.

who really can conquer distances
and understand how distant the distance is?

要借別人的哀愁來理解理自己的茫然，就是我跟自己最遠的距離。

"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.
Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.
I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate.
All those moments will be lost in time...
like tears in rain... Time to die." ~ Blade Runner 1982 ~

看見別人看不見或不曾留意的東西，是福是禍？即使走到盡頭，也不外如是；這一切，都會過去，像雨中的眼淚。