Tuesday, September 25, 2007

喜愛.落淚的解讀

Wing:「我第一次覺得古巨基真係好靚仔」
nic:「嗯……ok 啦;我淨係識佢嘅舊歌」

開學前夕,拿著兩張「恩典」門劵跟友人看演唱會,再一次讓我記得我是如此喜歡辦live show的感覺(幕後是我最享受的崗位之一)。雖然我不是古巨基的歌迷,卻有幸坐在兩位歌迷身旁(我表妹和她的朋友仔),令我從別人的投入中學會了投入地欣賞一場表演。這讓我想起了暑假尾聲所讀的一本書,Donald Miller的Blue Like Jazz,作品面向的觀眾群包括:"For anyone wondering if the Christian faith is still relevant in a post-modern culture, For anyone thirsting for a genuine encounter with a God ho is real, For anyone yearning for a renewed sense of passion in life..."

我讀此書卻是因為朋友推介和開首的author's note,他這樣寫:

I never liked jazz music because jazz music doesn't resolve. But I was outside the Bagdad Theater in Portland one night when I saw a man playing the saxophone. I stood there for fifteen minutes, and he never opened his eyes.

After that I liked jazz music.

Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way.

雖然我喜歡爵士樂的原因正是因為它似完未完、模稜兩可的結尾,但我對Miller看法深感共鳴--因看見了別人怎樣愛,然後漸漸學懂去愛。

翌日在收音機聽到各大娛樂頭條均指表演嘉賓周慧敏的一句「你辛苦了」令基仔淚如雨下,我頗為錯愕。我總覺得,是很多年獨自在大海航行的孤單,不被瞭解的執著,不曾給世俗接納的一些孩子氣的想法,久違了的真心話,好友的擁抱……這一切一切,讓他落淚。單單是辛苦不足以令我哭,患病中的我也甚少因為痛而落淚;但倘若有一刻我意識到自己的痛苦一點價值也沒有,我便再沒有活下去的勇氣。這些關鍵時刻也並非不曾出現過,但神每次也提醒我:"it is Me who define who you are,你的價值從我而來"……然後翻騰的海浪慢慢平靜,細聽那熟悉的、造物者的微聲。

也順道貼上純粹「曬命」的演唱會片段(特別鳴謝Wing借出她的相機和送我們恩典門劵的神秘人)


沒有跟歌迷們搶握手的位置;如斯場面,旁觀也感滿足


能夠再次聽側田唱live卻是意料之外


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